I just saw an article (blog post may be more accurate) titled "I Never Thought My Marriage Would Look Like This." Curious, I read it. It talked about how marriage, especially with kids, is like a roller coaster. Okay, I can agree with that. But her friend told her she would hate her husband and she thought they would be different. By the end of the article, she said several times that she hated her husband. Nope, can't agree with that part.
Let me be clear. Steve is not perfect. Sometimes he frustrates me, annoys me, or exasperates me. I'm positive I do the same to him. Because no matter how well we fit together, we're still human. I get grumpy from lack of sleep and short from too much socializing. He forgets details and can take jokes too far. But the beauty of marriage is that where Steve doesn't see the details, I do. And when I get hung up on one small issue, he can see the big picture. When I get too serious, he can lighten the mood. When his jokes start to cross a line, I can reel him in. The areas where we don't see eye-to-eye, we're in balance. So we're not perfect. But we talk things through and we know each other well enough to give the other a little space when necessary (since we're both introverts, sometimes we need a little alone time to process things or recharge).
Steve finds me attractive, smart, funny. When I blurt something out, he either thinks it's funny or understands. With most other people, I just get a strange look. He makes me more confident in who I am. And because there isn't pressure to be anything I'm not, I want to be the best version of myself. And I just like him. I love when he geeks out about something and when he's silly with the girls and when he's generous to strangers. He's not perfect. But there's so much good and so much that I like, why would I focus on the few things that are imperfect? Especially if they're areas I can help? After all, he sees my flaws too. He just chooses to show me grace in those areas and focus on my better qualities.
It seems society focuses on this spot between either thinking marriage is a fairy tale with happily ever after or a sit com where the couple tolerates each other at best and the wife is a nag to the bumbling husband. It is true marriage has its ups and downs. There will be days that feel mundane and unexciting. There will be hard times. There will be blissful times where things are just good and then whirlwinds where so much is happening all at once. But I believe love and respect is the bedrock of marriage. Hate doesn't enter into it. We're a team and we're looking out for each other's best interests. This is the real, third option in between the fairy tale and the sit com: two imperfect people who communicate with love and work as a team, understanding there are ups and downs. No fairy tales. No sit coms. Just real life.
