Last night I was trying to feed Nora one last time and get her to fall asleep. I was reading through my Facebook newsfeed when someone's name caught my eye. I realized her last name was her maiden name again, not her married name. Uh oh. She's an acquaintance, not someone I know very well, so I'm pretty oblivious to what's happening in her life. The only clue was in her bio, something along the lines of, "life took an unexpected turn and I'm trusting God." It made me immensely sad. She's my age and it appears her marriage is done. I don't know why. Maybe he was abusive or cheated. Maybe they "fell out of love" (I hate this phrase and will come back to it). Whatever the reason, it's sad to me when two people who planned to spend their lives together decide that's no longer possible. Sad doesn't seem like the right word. I don't feel pity for them. It's deeper, like my heart hurts a bit that their dreams of how life would work were dashed. And worse yet, it seems to happen to anyone and everyone. I cannot tell you the number of people on my friends list who are my age or younger and are divorced. Some are Christians, some are not. It really doesn't seem to make a difference, which is really sad. It breaks my heart and makes me wonder what is going wrong that so many people are now divorced.
Maybe part of it is just the way society is now. We want what we want and we want it now, with no effort on our part. Anything that's broken needs to be fixed immediately or thrown away. I *deserve* to be happy and you don't make me happy anymore. If it's hard or involves pain, I don't want anything to do with it. No wonder marriages don't work anymore. Marriage is work. If the person you marry is a good match for you, it will be easier, but it's still a relationship that requires compromise and maintenance. You won't always get your way, sometimes you have to swallow your pride and admit fault, there won't always be warm fuzzies. But the image we're fed is that you marry the one who makes you happy, your Prince Charming. Happily ever after is never shown; they end the movie at the wedding. But the wedding is the least important part of a marriage.
Love is a commitment, not a feeling. Feelings change. Saying you love someone but you're not in love with them is ridiculous. The honest thing to say would be, "I love you but I don't feel like working at our relationship because it's not exciting anymore." Love is not a puddle. It's not something you fall in and out of. But with the way romantic comedies portray love now, we think it is. When the fuzzy feelings disappear and things get rough, we think the love is gone. It's not if we decide it's not. Now, you need to be careful who you marry. Sometimes relationships are a lot harder than they should be because the person isn't a good complement to you. Date long enough to know someone and know if you can make it work forever. If it's hard work all the time, don't get married. Marriage isn't something to rush into (says the girl who was engaged 5 weeks into a relationship and married 6 months later). If someone who truly cares about you expresses concern, listen to them. If people did this, I think we could avoid a lot of divorces today.
Guard your marriage. Don't let divorce be an option. Did you know that divorce is like an epidemic? Meaning that if the people you spend time with (family members, friends, coworkers) are divorced, you're more likely to get divorced? Seeing the people around you "solve" their problems that way, you're likely to view it as an option. Don't let it be. Following this line of reasoning a bit further, you're very lucky and blessed if your parents are still married. If you saw your parents fight fairly and work it out, you're lucky! They gave you a blueprint for making a marriage work. You know that conflict is normal and can be worked out. You can learn by their example and ask them for guidance and advice. This is becoming more and more rare. I think that having parents who are still married and love each other dramatically increases your odds of a happy, healthy marriage. You can learn from other people's mistakes and learn what NOT to do, but it's easier to learn from someone else's good example. So if your parents love each other, count yourself very blessed. And parents, one of the best things you can do for your kids is to love your spouse. Seriously.
Now, Steve and I got engaged and married very quickly. And then had kids quickly and close together. Throw in grad school and buying a house and we're pretty much nuts. But we have a pretty solid marriage. Don't misunderstand me, we fight. Usually over stupid little things. But we're both fortunate to have parents who have been married 30+ years and love each other. So we know how to fight fairly and work things out. From day one, we had that advantage. Thank you Mom and Dad, and Doug and Linda. By showing us how to make marriage work, you've helped make our marriage strong. Don't think that your parents being married means your marriage will be a breeze. It simply means they've shown you how to make it work and equipped you with tools to do it.
It would be incredibly naive of me to think Steve and I are immune to divorce. We're not. We guard against it though. We try to connect each day, which can be hard with three little kids. We try to do date nights once every month or two to make sure we get some kid-free time. We do little things for each other. I try to greet Steve enthusiastically when he gets home from work. He tries to do thoughtful things for me, like giving me a break from the girls after a really rough day. It's not usually overtly romantic things, like roses or chocolates, but things that are considerate of each other.
But let me back up a bit. Steve and I were 21 when we went on our first date. Things got serious very quickly and we didn't do things the way you're *supposed* to. We talked about past relationships on the first date. I called him the next day instead of waiting three. We didn't kiss until two weeks later. We were engaged three weeks after that, five short weeks after our first date. We had a double wedding six months later. By our first anniversary, we had a baby and I was in grad school. Our fifth anniversary is about six weeks away. We now have three kids, a house, a minivan, and I have my masters degree. It's worked great for us but it's not a schedule I recommend that anyone else follow.
Before Steve and I really even had a conversation, I knew a fair amount about him. I knew his parents had a good marriage, so he probably had similar views on marriage as I did. I knew he was good with kids, so he'd probably be a good dad. I knew he worked hard on his relationship with his ex-girlfriend, so I knew he'd stick around and try to make things work even when things got hard. I knew he grew up going to church, so he was probably a Christian. Our first date confirmed that and showed he respects his mom (and everyone else) and is a geek (something I am familiar and comfortable with). He was easy to talk to and open about himself. We were both in that place where we were being totally honest about who we were and what we wanted, because we didn't want to make a relationship work by pretending to be something we weren't. We were both ready for a commitment and knew what we were looking for. It quickly became clear we'd found it. Everyone who knew either of us well supported it. I really think we would have backed up and reconsidered if one of our parents, siblings, or close friends had had doubts about it. I just want to stress this again, think twice if your family/friends aren't supportive. Odds are they're trying to save you some heartache.
Steve is truly my partner. He's my support and friend. We genuinely like each other. We do fight. Don't be afraid of conflict. Work it out. Be nice but be honest. If you avoid conflict, you're probably hiding who you are and how you really feel. That's not conducive to a healthy marriage. Be honest. Working out conflicts and finding a compromise makes your relationship stronger, not weaker.
To sum up: know who you're marrying before the wedding. Guard against divorce. Find older couples with good marriages, especially if your parents aren't in a good marriage. Fight fair and be honest. And love isn't a puddle.
Wednesday, October 27, 2010
Monday, October 25, 2010
What a week!
Last week was...rough. It started innocently enough. My heart rate monitor (HRM) was out for repairs (it was burning through batteries faster than it should). A minor annoyance. Nora hit a growth spurt and that phase where she doesn't want to sleep because the world is too interesting to sleep and miss ANY of it. So she would stay up late and either wake up in the middle of the night or early in the morning to eat (growth spurts mean extra feedings). I want to note a couple of things: 1. Steve is great about taking his turn getting up with the girls. But during the week, it falls on me. He has to leave by 6:30 to get to work in Tecumseh at 7:30. Most of the time, it's not an issue. I stay up an hour later to feed Nora one more time and then she sleeps until 8:30 or 9:00. Not last week. 2. Lack of sleep due to kids (whether for infants, sickness, or whatever) is completely different from pulling all-nighters in college. An all-nighter is a choice. And odds are you can just sleep whenever during the day to catch up on sleep. With kids, if they're up, you need to be up too. They completely dictate your sleep schedule and you don't get a choice. And unless you nap when they do, you don't get to catch up on missed sleep during the day. But at the same time, you don't want to waste the couple hours a day you get to yourself on sleep. I spend mine working out, to lose the baby weight. It's rough. As someone who requires a lot of sleep to not be a total bear, it's really rough. At best, I'm short on patience. At worst, I'm a growling, bipolar mess whose tantrums rival those of the crankiest two year old. In other words, the lack of sleep and missing HRM was enough to make it a rough week.
The beginning of the week, it was just those things and the occasional whining. Thursday morning hit and we had MOPS. I really like MOPS and so do the girls. But I was exhausted and MOPS starts about the time we normally get up. (I know, I'm spoiled by the amount of sleep the girls (usually) let me get. But, trust me on this, they get a much better mom by letting me sleep that much.) I decided the plus of adult time and Tim Horton's coffee outweighed the minus of getting up. Now, getting to and from MOPS is the headache part. Being there is great. But it's a mad rush to get all three girls freshly diapered and clothed and buckled in and to MOPS on time. And I swear they walk in slow-motion when they know we're running late. But MOPS was good, a highlight of the week, even. But then on the way home, I got pulled over. I was confused because I knew the plates were current, I wasn't speeding, I used my blinker, etc. It was a fix-it ticket. The right brake light was out. I had no way of knowing and the cop was really nice about the whole thing. But it was another thing not going my way. That afternoon I realized that the phone was out. We were switching from Comcast to Vonage that day and I could make phone calls but not receive them. I found that out when I received an email rather than a phone call about my HRM. It was dead. No fixing it. They could offer me 30% off a new one though. Sigh.
Now, I need to say that there were high points throughout the week. Wednesday night, we had Reid over for a birthday dinner. Leslie and Paul came later for brownies and ice cream. I love my family so it was great to have the majority of my siblings over (Tracy and Donovan, we missed you). MOPS was a nice break from kids and I like the other women in my group. Thursday night and Friday morning, my parents came over. I love it when they're here. Adult interaction, more people to entertain the girls, and I just like my parents. I also got to order my new HRM Friday morning, which was exciting. I wasn't thrilled to spend that extra money, but new fitness stuff is always exciting to me. And it came Saturday! Unfortunately, I'm nowhere near the end of the badness that was last week.
Back to Thursday night. Mia was whiny and had no appetite. The whining is normal, not eating is not. She was also especially cuddly, which usually means she's not feeling good. The girls napped late too, another sign they're not up to par. They played with Mom and Dad and went to bed without a problem. 10:30pm Mia woke up crying. She was really hot so I took her temperature. 102. I gave her ibuprofen and she went to sleep. But she woke up a lot that night, either too hot or cold because she'd kicked her blankets off. Luckily Nora slept better that night. Friday during the day was okay. It was obvious Mia wasn't feeling great, but she was doing okay.
Friday night was a different story. I was looking forward to it, because Steve would be home for the weekend and able to help with the not-sleeping girls. Well, Mia kept waking up crying, even before 10pm. Steve brought her back downstairs and held her for a while. He tried to take her back upstairs later but she started crying again, so he decided to bring her back down for a while. At that point, I was in the room below the stairs and heard a huge crash. Too big to be any of the girls. I ran to the bottom of the stairs and saw Steve kneeling on the landing. I walked up to see Mia sitting on one of the five steps above the landing. Mia looked fine but Steve was obviously in pain. Apparently he was walking back downstairs when his dress sock slipped on a stair and he skidded on his butt down to the landing. He instinctively pulled Mia into his chest and she was okay. But he had a nasty goose egg on his hip. It immediately swelled and was hot to the touch. Later it bruised. Once downstairs he paced for a while and said he felt like he might throw up. He said it felt like his leg jammed up into his hip. Ugh. Eventually his nausea passed and we were able to lay Mia down. I went to bed and Steve stayed up for a while with Nora. That night was LONG. Mia kept waking up, crying. Steve couldn't get comfortable in bed and ended up only sleeping 4 hours and spending the rest of the night in the recliner. Nora woke up early because she was hungry. Once up for the day, the girls were whiny. Ella looked funny, kinda glazed. When I took her temperature, it was 103. Mia's was about 99 at that point. Nora's was 100. We gave the older girls ibuprofen and Nora Tylenol. Steve bought some ibuprofen for himself and said that was helping him (we didn't have any in the house because I'm allergic to it. I'm fine having it in the house, but normally Steve takes Tylenol out of convenience if he needs anything. But Tylenol doesn't help with inflammation, which is why I can take it.). We cancelled our plans for the rest of the weekend.
Saturday night was slightly better than Friday. Mia was mostly better by then and the other girls just had the low-grade temps. But I still had to get up multiple times with Mia. On Sunday, I was an exhausted, cranky mess. I had that feeling that "this is my life now, and it will be this way forever." Endless cycles of diapers, feeding, wiping noses, sleepless nights. I know it's not always like that, but after a week of too little sleep, it *felt* that way. I spent a good chunk of Sunday crying. Last night, Steve gave me some time for myself. I shaved my legs and trimmed my nails and started feeling more human again. I stayed up with Nora until about 11:30 (so early!) and had to get up with Mia about midnight because she was scared of the thunder (really? A thunderstorm at the end of October?!). But they slept through the night and didn't wake me up until 9:30 this morning! I feel like a new person. This week will be good, much better than last week. All of us girls have rattly coughs but no fevers. Mia and Ella have runny noses too, but overall, they're okay. The whining is much less. Steve fixed the brake light on the van. We still have to have a cop sign off on it, but it's fixed. My new HRM is here and I like it. Steve has a nasty bruise and is still a bit sore, but he's moving easier. The scale is up a little, but not as much as I expected after having Chinese last night. I feel a million times better after a full night's sleep. Steve and I have a party to go to on Friday night, without kids! Saturday night is Trunk or Treat with Leslie. I think I'm going to get my hair cut this weekend too, which should help me feel better about myself (more like me and less like a frumpy mom, which is how I've been feeling). Becky is scheduled for her big ultrasound this week. Liz and James got to bring tiny little Annika home last week. People have been noticing that I'm thinner. I do have to take all three girls to an appointment on Thursday, but thanks to MOPS, taking all of them someplace on my own is less daunting. It feels like all is right with the world again. Thank God for a new week! :)
The beginning of the week, it was just those things and the occasional whining. Thursday morning hit and we had MOPS. I really like MOPS and so do the girls. But I was exhausted and MOPS starts about the time we normally get up. (I know, I'm spoiled by the amount of sleep the girls (usually) let me get. But, trust me on this, they get a much better mom by letting me sleep that much.) I decided the plus of adult time and Tim Horton's coffee outweighed the minus of getting up. Now, getting to and from MOPS is the headache part. Being there is great. But it's a mad rush to get all three girls freshly diapered and clothed and buckled in and to MOPS on time. And I swear they walk in slow-motion when they know we're running late. But MOPS was good, a highlight of the week, even. But then on the way home, I got pulled over. I was confused because I knew the plates were current, I wasn't speeding, I used my blinker, etc. It was a fix-it ticket. The right brake light was out. I had no way of knowing and the cop was really nice about the whole thing. But it was another thing not going my way. That afternoon I realized that the phone was out. We were switching from Comcast to Vonage that day and I could make phone calls but not receive them. I found that out when I received an email rather than a phone call about my HRM. It was dead. No fixing it. They could offer me 30% off a new one though. Sigh.
Now, I need to say that there were high points throughout the week. Wednesday night, we had Reid over for a birthday dinner. Leslie and Paul came later for brownies and ice cream. I love my family so it was great to have the majority of my siblings over (Tracy and Donovan, we missed you). MOPS was a nice break from kids and I like the other women in my group. Thursday night and Friday morning, my parents came over. I love it when they're here. Adult interaction, more people to entertain the girls, and I just like my parents. I also got to order my new HRM Friday morning, which was exciting. I wasn't thrilled to spend that extra money, but new fitness stuff is always exciting to me. And it came Saturday! Unfortunately, I'm nowhere near the end of the badness that was last week.
Back to Thursday night. Mia was whiny and had no appetite. The whining is normal, not eating is not. She was also especially cuddly, which usually means she's not feeling good. The girls napped late too, another sign they're not up to par. They played with Mom and Dad and went to bed without a problem. 10:30pm Mia woke up crying. She was really hot so I took her temperature. 102. I gave her ibuprofen and she went to sleep. But she woke up a lot that night, either too hot or cold because she'd kicked her blankets off. Luckily Nora slept better that night. Friday during the day was okay. It was obvious Mia wasn't feeling great, but she was doing okay.
Friday night was a different story. I was looking forward to it, because Steve would be home for the weekend and able to help with the not-sleeping girls. Well, Mia kept waking up crying, even before 10pm. Steve brought her back downstairs and held her for a while. He tried to take her back upstairs later but she started crying again, so he decided to bring her back down for a while. At that point, I was in the room below the stairs and heard a huge crash. Too big to be any of the girls. I ran to the bottom of the stairs and saw Steve kneeling on the landing. I walked up to see Mia sitting on one of the five steps above the landing. Mia looked fine but Steve was obviously in pain. Apparently he was walking back downstairs when his dress sock slipped on a stair and he skidded on his butt down to the landing. He instinctively pulled Mia into his chest and she was okay. But he had a nasty goose egg on his hip. It immediately swelled and was hot to the touch. Later it bruised. Once downstairs he paced for a while and said he felt like he might throw up. He said it felt like his leg jammed up into his hip. Ugh. Eventually his nausea passed and we were able to lay Mia down. I went to bed and Steve stayed up for a while with Nora. That night was LONG. Mia kept waking up, crying. Steve couldn't get comfortable in bed and ended up only sleeping 4 hours and spending the rest of the night in the recliner. Nora woke up early because she was hungry. Once up for the day, the girls were whiny. Ella looked funny, kinda glazed. When I took her temperature, it was 103. Mia's was about 99 at that point. Nora's was 100. We gave the older girls ibuprofen and Nora Tylenol. Steve bought some ibuprofen for himself and said that was helping him (we didn't have any in the house because I'm allergic to it. I'm fine having it in the house, but normally Steve takes Tylenol out of convenience if he needs anything. But Tylenol doesn't help with inflammation, which is why I can take it.). We cancelled our plans for the rest of the weekend.
Saturday night was slightly better than Friday. Mia was mostly better by then and the other girls just had the low-grade temps. But I still had to get up multiple times with Mia. On Sunday, I was an exhausted, cranky mess. I had that feeling that "this is my life now, and it will be this way forever." Endless cycles of diapers, feeding, wiping noses, sleepless nights. I know it's not always like that, but after a week of too little sleep, it *felt* that way. I spent a good chunk of Sunday crying. Last night, Steve gave me some time for myself. I shaved my legs and trimmed my nails and started feeling more human again. I stayed up with Nora until about 11:30 (so early!) and had to get up with Mia about midnight because she was scared of the thunder (really? A thunderstorm at the end of October?!). But they slept through the night and didn't wake me up until 9:30 this morning! I feel like a new person. This week will be good, much better than last week. All of us girls have rattly coughs but no fevers. Mia and Ella have runny noses too, but overall, they're okay. The whining is much less. Steve fixed the brake light on the van. We still have to have a cop sign off on it, but it's fixed. My new HRM is here and I like it. Steve has a nasty bruise and is still a bit sore, but he's moving easier. The scale is up a little, but not as much as I expected after having Chinese last night. I feel a million times better after a full night's sleep. Steve and I have a party to go to on Friday night, without kids! Saturday night is Trunk or Treat with Leslie. I think I'm going to get my hair cut this weekend too, which should help me feel better about myself (more like me and less like a frumpy mom, which is how I've been feeling). Becky is scheduled for her big ultrasound this week. Liz and James got to bring tiny little Annika home last week. People have been noticing that I'm thinner. I do have to take all three girls to an appointment on Thursday, but thanks to MOPS, taking all of them someplace on my own is less daunting. It feels like all is right with the world again. Thank God for a new week! :)
Friday, October 15, 2010
Disorganized thoughts
It's been a busy week. I already updated with Nora's stats, but Mia is doing fine too. We only have to go back to the allergist as needed.
I worked two days this week. Not much by most people's standards but with the doctor appointments figured in and my daily workouts, it was a hectic week for me. We had sitters here four days this week. I'm glad today is quieter. I did receive news yesterday that I'm still processing. Lifeways is not renewing their contract with Community Connections. Which means as of April 1, I don't have a job. Since I'm not working regularly, it's not going to impact our lives or income much at all. But I am on good terms with them and I've viewed that as our contingency plan, should anything happen to Steve's job (which is, thankfully, stable). Now I have this feeling of, "now what?" To be honest, doing evaluations and referrals is not what I want to do long-term. I want to combine my passion for fitness with counseling somehow, but I haven't quite figured out how to do it. I've been going back and forth for a while on the idea of getting certified to teach Turbo Kick. Me? Teach? I'm quiet and I don't like to be in charge (at least when it comes to anything other than my family). But I love being in shape and I want to spread that to other people and help them be happy and healthy too. I prayed for some sign. Maybe this is it. I need to do some research as far as where I could teach and if I would need a primary certification like ACE to teach there. So we'll see. If you think of it, pray for guidance for me in this area. I feel like this is the direction God is leading me in, but I'm not sure yet if this is the right step right now.
Speaking of prayers, I have friends that could use prayers right now. I'm not going to go into details, but different friends have been heavy on my heart this week. Family issues, premature babies, marital difficulties. Please pray for them too.
And this is such a tiny thing, but my heart rate monitor is in the shop for troubleshooting and repairs. I don't have any heart issues, but it tracks my heart rate while I exercise and calculates how many calories I burn. I miss it and honestly feel a little off without it. I haven't heard that they've received it, let alone if they've determined the issue yet (it was burning through batteries pretty quickly, like one a month). I think I might call this afternoon to make sure they have it and it didn't get lost in the mail.
I told you my thoughts are disorganized today. I feel somber for the people around me dealing with hefty issues and my coworkers that rely on that job, but thankful for my good life at the same time. I hug my kids a little tighter, kiss Steve a little longer, pray a little harder, try to reach out to more people. I'm more mindful of my blessings and try to be more patient with the minor irritants. Which reminds me, I ran over a possum in our driveway the other day. I assume it was playing dead and I didn't see it (the neighbor's cats run and fallen branches stick up a lot farther). Both tires ran over it. I was a bit scared to get out and see what it was, so I backed up. Yup, I ran over it again with both tires. And then I saw it, mouth open, tongue hanging out. It was huge. Not sure what to do and knowing Steve was in the middle of giving the girls baths, I decided it was already dead and pulled up into my usual parking spot in the driveway. Yes, I ran over it again, for a total of six times. And I was still scared it was going to attack me or something. I grabbed my stuff and ran to the house. About an hour later, the girls were in bed and Steve and I checked to see if it was still there or if it had somehow survived being run over by a minivan six times. Still there, still dead. What do you do with a dead possum? We live in town. I went inside to feed Nora while Steve dealt with it. He ended up burying it in the backyard, way back in the corner where the girls never play. To make the whole more absurd, he did it wearing a tee shirt, pajama pants, and his black dress shoes, lol. He told me they were next to the door and they were the quickest ones to slip on. The weirdest part? Dad found a dead possum in front of their house this week too. Kat, my awesome friend who watched the girls for me three times this week, said maybe he dumped it in our driveway to mess with us. I had a good laugh about that.
It's been a week. Weird stuff, big news, lots of things to pray about. I'm ready for a quieter weekend. :)
I worked two days this week. Not much by most people's standards but with the doctor appointments figured in and my daily workouts, it was a hectic week for me. We had sitters here four days this week. I'm glad today is quieter. I did receive news yesterday that I'm still processing. Lifeways is not renewing their contract with Community Connections. Which means as of April 1, I don't have a job. Since I'm not working regularly, it's not going to impact our lives or income much at all. But I am on good terms with them and I've viewed that as our contingency plan, should anything happen to Steve's job (which is, thankfully, stable). Now I have this feeling of, "now what?" To be honest, doing evaluations and referrals is not what I want to do long-term. I want to combine my passion for fitness with counseling somehow, but I haven't quite figured out how to do it. I've been going back and forth for a while on the idea of getting certified to teach Turbo Kick. Me? Teach? I'm quiet and I don't like to be in charge (at least when it comes to anything other than my family). But I love being in shape and I want to spread that to other people and help them be happy and healthy too. I prayed for some sign. Maybe this is it. I need to do some research as far as where I could teach and if I would need a primary certification like ACE to teach there. So we'll see. If you think of it, pray for guidance for me in this area. I feel like this is the direction God is leading me in, but I'm not sure yet if this is the right step right now.
Speaking of prayers, I have friends that could use prayers right now. I'm not going to go into details, but different friends have been heavy on my heart this week. Family issues, premature babies, marital difficulties. Please pray for them too.
And this is such a tiny thing, but my heart rate monitor is in the shop for troubleshooting and repairs. I don't have any heart issues, but it tracks my heart rate while I exercise and calculates how many calories I burn. I miss it and honestly feel a little off without it. I haven't heard that they've received it, let alone if they've determined the issue yet (it was burning through batteries pretty quickly, like one a month). I think I might call this afternoon to make sure they have it and it didn't get lost in the mail.
I told you my thoughts are disorganized today. I feel somber for the people around me dealing with hefty issues and my coworkers that rely on that job, but thankful for my good life at the same time. I hug my kids a little tighter, kiss Steve a little longer, pray a little harder, try to reach out to more people. I'm more mindful of my blessings and try to be more patient with the minor irritants. Which reminds me, I ran over a possum in our driveway the other day. I assume it was playing dead and I didn't see it (the neighbor's cats run and fallen branches stick up a lot farther). Both tires ran over it. I was a bit scared to get out and see what it was, so I backed up. Yup, I ran over it again with both tires. And then I saw it, mouth open, tongue hanging out. It was huge. Not sure what to do and knowing Steve was in the middle of giving the girls baths, I decided it was already dead and pulled up into my usual parking spot in the driveway. Yes, I ran over it again, for a total of six times. And I was still scared it was going to attack me or something. I grabbed my stuff and ran to the house. About an hour later, the girls were in bed and Steve and I checked to see if it was still there or if it had somehow survived being run over by a minivan six times. Still there, still dead. What do you do with a dead possum? We live in town. I went inside to feed Nora while Steve dealt with it. He ended up burying it in the backyard, way back in the corner where the girls never play. To make the whole more absurd, he did it wearing a tee shirt, pajama pants, and his black dress shoes, lol. He told me they were next to the door and they were the quickest ones to slip on. The weirdest part? Dad found a dead possum in front of their house this week too. Kat, my awesome friend who watched the girls for me three times this week, said maybe he dumped it in our driveway to mess with us. I had a good laugh about that.
It's been a week. Weird stuff, big news, lots of things to pray about. I'm ready for a quieter weekend. :)
Wednesday, October 13, 2010
Things that have been on my mind
Nora is officially 6 months old. Crazy! Where did the time go? She's not trying to crawl yet, which is fine. Six months is a little early for that anyhow. But she is sitting up pretty well. She can balance for quite a while as long as she doesn't try to look up at a standing adult. She tips pretty easily, so we make sure one of us is close enough to catch her or she's surrounded by pillows. (Our living room is carpeted, but the floor is still pretty hard and the carpet is old enough that it doesn't provide a whole lot of padding.)
I took Nora in for her 6 month well-child check yesterday. She weighs 18 lbs 11 oz. She's 27 inches long. 90th percentile for each. I'm not surprised. Each of our girls has stayed at the top of the charts until they start crawling and moving more. Then they thin out a bit. She's healthy and hitting all the milestones at the appropriate times. Dr. Adamczyk told me again I'm a great mom and my daughter is beautiful and perfect. (I adore him. He tells me this with each girl and it really helps me feel like I'm doing things well. As a young mom, that's been important for my confidence as a parent.)
This week is a bit nuts. Monday I worked and then came home to do a very long cardio WO. Tuesday I took Nora to her check up. This afternoon I work again (thankfully today is a rest day, so no late night WO). Tomorrow morning Mia goes back to the allergist (not sure if we'll need to go again soon, since she hasn't broken out in hives since before we went a month ago). Friday should be quieter, but Steve is going to a movie with his friends that night (he and Jared are wonderfully considerate husbands though and planned the outing for after bedtime). Saturday night we have a fall festival at the church and the girls will get to play games and decorate pumpkins. I was hoping for at least one quiet night soon, but the girls will love it so it will be worth it.
Now, this topic has been on my mind a lot lately and it honestly deserves its own post. But given my week and weekend, this will have to do for now. Bullying. It's been all over the news and media with all the suicides related to it recently. For the most part, I escaped bullying. I fell into the category of being one of the smart kids who wasn't too weird, quiet but normal, not quite cool but got along with everyone well. I was fine with that. I had good friends, I had boyfriends, I had activities to do, life was pretty good. And then I remember 8th grade. That was a miserable year for me. I had history after lunch with a teacher who was nice but clueless about what happened in his class. There were three girls in that class who, for whatever reason, didn't like me. Two of them had the right last names and so, mean or not, they were popular. The third wanted to be popular and had it out for me. She was the first person I met in Evart who was my age. We were friends, until she ditched me on the first day of school in 6th grade. She spread rumors about me but never went beyond that. Until 8th grade. She told the other two girls that I was spreading rumors about them. I wasn't. But they believed it and made that class miserable for me. They'd make comments about me, making sure I heard, wrote insults on my papers, and did all kinds of things to intimidate me. It got to the point that my stomach would knot up before that class. I'd feel cold and clammy and nauseous. I went home sick a lot that year. Teaches waived my absences since I was a good student. I wanted to switch schools. Monday was my favorite day of the week because I was in an advanced program and missed that class. Even thinking about it now brings back the cold terror I felt. That was 14 years ago.
The worst of it was when they wrote me a note. They threatened to wipe "that Tinkerbell smile off my face" if I didn't stop spreading rumors. How was I supposed to stop doing something I hadn't done?! Terrified, I gave the note to my parents. They called all three sets of parents. Popular girl #1 had the sweetest mom. She apologized up and down to my parents and promised her daughter would be punished. But her daughter ran that house and I know she never got in trouble for it. Popular girl #2 later bragged that her mom told her to do whatever she wanted and too bad for me if I couldn't defend myself. They were kinda white-trash people. The third girl's parents knew my parents. They sat all of us down to talk it out. I don't doubt she got into trouble for it. I don't remember a lot of what happened after that, but I think she backed off and without her fueling the fire, the whole thing died out. Thank God!
Looking back, I think the third girl just wanted to be accepted and bashing me was her way in. Different adults assured me she was jealous of me. I don't know. All I know is that we mostly avoided each other in high school and the times I've seen her since then, we've been sociable. She's single but has been successful in her business. In her early 20's, she bought a salon and has been running it successfully for 5-6 years now. I am happy for her. I would be lying if I said I like her now, but I understand now that she hurt me because she was somehow hurting. And I do wish her well in life.
Popular girl #1 was never kind. In 9th grade she switched schools because she wanted to play tennis and she considered herself too good for Evart after that. I don't think I saw her more than once or twice after that, which was fine by me. I'm guessing she married a rich guy and is still chasing popularity and material wealth, which sounds like a sad existence to me. Neither of those bring happiness.
Popular girl #2 and I avoided each other too. I don't think I've seen her since high school. My guess would be that she either still lives in Evart or a different small town and never went to college. If she got married, she's divorced by now, possibly with kids. She's as mean as ever. Why would I guess that? That's her mom's story and I think the apple didn't fall far from that tree.
Thinking about it and typing it out, I got that cold uneasiness in the pit of my stomach all over again. It's been 14 years! And I was fortunate that it was short-lived and they never physically did anything to me. Can you imagine the damage they could have done otherwise? Bullying is horrible. And with Facebook and Twitter and everything else now, it could be so much worse and inescapable, even at home. It needs to stop. I pray my girls never have to endure that. And even more, I pray we teach them to value others so much that they would never, ever inflict that on anyone else. Society-wide, I'm not sure how to stop it, but I think celebrities speaking out against it and drawing awareness to it is a great start. (For the record, God loves ALL people. As His children, we're supposed to love all people too. God will judge everyone for what they've done, and yes, that includes you. Alienating people for their choices is not loving them. Judging them is not loving them either, and it's not your job.) In my family and circle of influence, I can teach my kids to love other people and do good when and where they can. Thoughts?
I took Nora in for her 6 month well-child check yesterday. She weighs 18 lbs 11 oz. She's 27 inches long. 90th percentile for each. I'm not surprised. Each of our girls has stayed at the top of the charts until they start crawling and moving more. Then they thin out a bit. She's healthy and hitting all the milestones at the appropriate times. Dr. Adamczyk told me again I'm a great mom and my daughter is beautiful and perfect. (I adore him. He tells me this with each girl and it really helps me feel like I'm doing things well. As a young mom, that's been important for my confidence as a parent.)
This week is a bit nuts. Monday I worked and then came home to do a very long cardio WO. Tuesday I took Nora to her check up. This afternoon I work again (thankfully today is a rest day, so no late night WO). Tomorrow morning Mia goes back to the allergist (not sure if we'll need to go again soon, since she hasn't broken out in hives since before we went a month ago). Friday should be quieter, but Steve is going to a movie with his friends that night (he and Jared are wonderfully considerate husbands though and planned the outing for after bedtime). Saturday night we have a fall festival at the church and the girls will get to play games and decorate pumpkins. I was hoping for at least one quiet night soon, but the girls will love it so it will be worth it.
Now, this topic has been on my mind a lot lately and it honestly deserves its own post. But given my week and weekend, this will have to do for now. Bullying. It's been all over the news and media with all the suicides related to it recently. For the most part, I escaped bullying. I fell into the category of being one of the smart kids who wasn't too weird, quiet but normal, not quite cool but got along with everyone well. I was fine with that. I had good friends, I had boyfriends, I had activities to do, life was pretty good. And then I remember 8th grade. That was a miserable year for me. I had history after lunch with a teacher who was nice but clueless about what happened in his class. There were three girls in that class who, for whatever reason, didn't like me. Two of them had the right last names and so, mean or not, they were popular. The third wanted to be popular and had it out for me. She was the first person I met in Evart who was my age. We were friends, until she ditched me on the first day of school in 6th grade. She spread rumors about me but never went beyond that. Until 8th grade. She told the other two girls that I was spreading rumors about them. I wasn't. But they believed it and made that class miserable for me. They'd make comments about me, making sure I heard, wrote insults on my papers, and did all kinds of things to intimidate me. It got to the point that my stomach would knot up before that class. I'd feel cold and clammy and nauseous. I went home sick a lot that year. Teaches waived my absences since I was a good student. I wanted to switch schools. Monday was my favorite day of the week because I was in an advanced program and missed that class. Even thinking about it now brings back the cold terror I felt. That was 14 years ago.
The worst of it was when they wrote me a note. They threatened to wipe "that Tinkerbell smile off my face" if I didn't stop spreading rumors. How was I supposed to stop doing something I hadn't done?! Terrified, I gave the note to my parents. They called all three sets of parents. Popular girl #1 had the sweetest mom. She apologized up and down to my parents and promised her daughter would be punished. But her daughter ran that house and I know she never got in trouble for it. Popular girl #2 later bragged that her mom told her to do whatever she wanted and too bad for me if I couldn't defend myself. They were kinda white-trash people. The third girl's parents knew my parents. They sat all of us down to talk it out. I don't doubt she got into trouble for it. I don't remember a lot of what happened after that, but I think she backed off and without her fueling the fire, the whole thing died out. Thank God!
Looking back, I think the third girl just wanted to be accepted and bashing me was her way in. Different adults assured me she was jealous of me. I don't know. All I know is that we mostly avoided each other in high school and the times I've seen her since then, we've been sociable. She's single but has been successful in her business. In her early 20's, she bought a salon and has been running it successfully for 5-6 years now. I am happy for her. I would be lying if I said I like her now, but I understand now that she hurt me because she was somehow hurting. And I do wish her well in life.
Popular girl #1 was never kind. In 9th grade she switched schools because she wanted to play tennis and she considered herself too good for Evart after that. I don't think I saw her more than once or twice after that, which was fine by me. I'm guessing she married a rich guy and is still chasing popularity and material wealth, which sounds like a sad existence to me. Neither of those bring happiness.
Popular girl #2 and I avoided each other too. I don't think I've seen her since high school. My guess would be that she either still lives in Evart or a different small town and never went to college. If she got married, she's divorced by now, possibly with kids. She's as mean as ever. Why would I guess that? That's her mom's story and I think the apple didn't fall far from that tree.
Thinking about it and typing it out, I got that cold uneasiness in the pit of my stomach all over again. It's been 14 years! And I was fortunate that it was short-lived and they never physically did anything to me. Can you imagine the damage they could have done otherwise? Bullying is horrible. And with Facebook and Twitter and everything else now, it could be so much worse and inescapable, even at home. It needs to stop. I pray my girls never have to endure that. And even more, I pray we teach them to value others so much that they would never, ever inflict that on anyone else. Society-wide, I'm not sure how to stop it, but I think celebrities speaking out against it and drawing awareness to it is a great start. (For the record, God loves ALL people. As His children, we're supposed to love all people too. God will judge everyone for what they've done, and yes, that includes you. Alienating people for their choices is not loving them. Judging them is not loving them either, and it's not your job.) In my family and circle of influence, I can teach my kids to love other people and do good when and where they can. Thoughts?
Thursday, October 7, 2010
This morning...
...I told Mia we were going to MOPS. "MOPS?" she asked. "But my bug bites are all gone." I then had to explain that MOPS wasn't the doctor's office. (Btw, she calls her hives bug bites.)
...I tried to dress Nora in a 3-6 month sleeper. She didn't fit and she cried. She'll be 6 months old on Saturday. Already! She can kind of sit up on her own. She balances pretty well but still tips over a lot. Before I know it she'll be running after her sisters.
...Ella told me she would always like me. I may refer her back to this post in the future.
...I successfully took all three girls to MOPS. I was also successful at getting them all back home. Trust me, that's an accomplishment.
...I saw my pre-pregnancy weight on the scale!...for Mia's pregnancy. Five pounds until Ella's and another twenty-five until Nora's, which is my goal. I'm getting less frustrated by it because I am doing what I can each day to get there and the weight is coming off. There are days now I even think I look thin!
...I discovered that another friend (and coworker) had her baby girl yesterday too. That makes three baby girls in three days. Shannon's baby (Charlotte) is doing great, not a single issue, and she's exactly the same size I was at birth. Liz's baby (Annika) is in the NICU, on CPAP, and may need a PICC (sp?) line for feedings. Her lungs aren't mature yet. Liz was discharged yesterday and said it was really difficult going home without Annika but is glad to be home with her husband and other kids. Please continue praying for them.
...I was very thankful for coffee. I am every morning, but this morning I was really tired and did NOT want to get out of bed. Nora didn't want to sleep last night so I got to bed late and I didn't sleep well because I knew I had to get up early today. I'm already looking forward to bed tonight. Nice, warm, soft bed...
...Ella peed on the potty twice and stayed dry in between! I think we may try underwear this weekend, since Steve will be home to help.
...I realized my life is not that interesting, lol. But all these familiar little things are comforting and I like my life. I'm blessed to have this time to stay home with my girls. But thank GOD for MOPS! It's nice to have adult time.
How was your morning?
...I tried to dress Nora in a 3-6 month sleeper. She didn't fit and she cried. She'll be 6 months old on Saturday. Already! She can kind of sit up on her own. She balances pretty well but still tips over a lot. Before I know it she'll be running after her sisters.
...Ella told me she would always like me. I may refer her back to this post in the future.
...I successfully took all three girls to MOPS. I was also successful at getting them all back home. Trust me, that's an accomplishment.
...I saw my pre-pregnancy weight on the scale!...for Mia's pregnancy. Five pounds until Ella's and another twenty-five until Nora's, which is my goal. I'm getting less frustrated by it because I am doing what I can each day to get there and the weight is coming off. There are days now I even think I look thin!
...I discovered that another friend (and coworker) had her baby girl yesterday too. That makes three baby girls in three days. Shannon's baby (Charlotte) is doing great, not a single issue, and she's exactly the same size I was at birth. Liz's baby (Annika) is in the NICU, on CPAP, and may need a PICC (sp?) line for feedings. Her lungs aren't mature yet. Liz was discharged yesterday and said it was really difficult going home without Annika but is glad to be home with her husband and other kids. Please continue praying for them.
...I was very thankful for coffee. I am every morning, but this morning I was really tired and did NOT want to get out of bed. Nora didn't want to sleep last night so I got to bed late and I didn't sleep well because I knew I had to get up early today. I'm already looking forward to bed tonight. Nice, warm, soft bed...
...Ella peed on the potty twice and stayed dry in between! I think we may try underwear this weekend, since Steve will be home to help.
...I realized my life is not that interesting, lol. But all these familiar little things are comforting and I like my life. I'm blessed to have this time to stay home with my girls. But thank GOD for MOPS! It's nice to have adult time.
How was your morning?
Wednesday, October 6, 2010
Prayers for new babies
My good friend Liz was expecting her third baby in November, her second daughter. The pregnancy was uneventful until last week when her blood pressure was borderline high and there was some protein in her urine. She was on bed rest for a few days, more tests were run, and she was classified as severely pre-eclamptic. As a result, she was induced Sunday night (I think) at 35 weeks, which didn't really work. More induction methods were used on Monday and Liz gave birth to Annika at 4-something Tuesday morning. She's a tiny 4 lbs 12 oz and last I heard was being evaluated in the NICU. She appeared to be doing well, despite being born 5 weeks early. I assume she is doing well, since Liz and James have not posted an update requesting more prayers and they posted pictures holding her. I'm sure they would appreciate prayers even if tiny Annika is declared perfectly healthy.
Another friend, Shannon, is expecting her fourth child, first daughter very soon. I believe her due date is next week and she was expecting to be induced this weekend. She had an appointment yesterday which included an ultrasound. Baby Charlotte wasn't moving as much as the doctors would like to see at this point, so Shannon had to go up to the hospital for a non-stress test (basically the mother and baby are monitored for a few hours) and a second ultrasound. The NST went fine but in the ultrasound, Charlotte still wasn't moving much. Shannon ended up being kept overnight and was scheduled to be induced this morning, which is the last I'd heard. Shannon has been induced each pregnancy, so this isn't anything new, although the other times weren't for medical reasons. Shannon is 39 weeks pregnant, so there shouldn't be issues with prematurity, and hopefully Charlotte is just mellow or has low blood sugar. I'm sure they would also appreciate prayers.
It seems odd to me that two of my friends, due weeks apart, were both induced this week. Becky should be finding out soon if this baby is a boy or girl, and Steve's cousin Brittney should be finding out soon too. A few friends on my weight loss board are waiting to see if they're pregnant. Add in all the acquaintances on Facebook who recently had babies or are pregnant and it feels like I'm surrounded by baby news.
I was recently reminded that October is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month. It's oddly fitting with all the inductions for medical reasons this week, huh? The idea of losing a child, born or not, is heart-breaking to me. The number I've heard is that 1 in 4 women will experience a loss in her lifetime. That doesn't even take into account women who struggle with infertility and the possibility of not experiencing a pregnancy or giving their child a sibling. Please pray for my friends and their babies and their health and safety and also for all the families who have lost a baby at some point. I appreciate it and I'm sure they appreciate it a million times more than I do. Thank you.
Another friend, Shannon, is expecting her fourth child, first daughter very soon. I believe her due date is next week and she was expecting to be induced this weekend. She had an appointment yesterday which included an ultrasound. Baby Charlotte wasn't moving as much as the doctors would like to see at this point, so Shannon had to go up to the hospital for a non-stress test (basically the mother and baby are monitored for a few hours) and a second ultrasound. The NST went fine but in the ultrasound, Charlotte still wasn't moving much. Shannon ended up being kept overnight and was scheduled to be induced this morning, which is the last I'd heard. Shannon has been induced each pregnancy, so this isn't anything new, although the other times weren't for medical reasons. Shannon is 39 weeks pregnant, so there shouldn't be issues with prematurity, and hopefully Charlotte is just mellow or has low blood sugar. I'm sure they would also appreciate prayers.
It seems odd to me that two of my friends, due weeks apart, were both induced this week. Becky should be finding out soon if this baby is a boy or girl, and Steve's cousin Brittney should be finding out soon too. A few friends on my weight loss board are waiting to see if they're pregnant. Add in all the acquaintances on Facebook who recently had babies or are pregnant and it feels like I'm surrounded by baby news.
I was recently reminded that October is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month. It's oddly fitting with all the inductions for medical reasons this week, huh? The idea of losing a child, born or not, is heart-breaking to me. The number I've heard is that 1 in 4 women will experience a loss in her lifetime. That doesn't even take into account women who struggle with infertility and the possibility of not experiencing a pregnancy or giving their child a sibling. Please pray for my friends and their babies and their health and safety and also for all the families who have lost a baby at some point. I appreciate it and I'm sure they appreciate it a million times more than I do. Thank you.
Friday, October 1, 2010
Memories
It's funny how things jog your memory. With their lunch, I decided to give the girls chewable vitamins. Although they're the Meijer brand, I called them Flintstone vitamins. It immediately made me think of being at my grandparents' house. Grandma Atherton always kept the Flintstone vitamins around for our visits (and our cousins' visits, I'm sure). She kept them on top of the refrigerator. Flintstone vitamins will probably always make me think of Grandma, just like coo-coo clocks, Yahtzee and coffee in the morning, cheese popcorn, beagles, wagon rides behind a tractor, prisms, and birds. Most of those things remind me of Grandpa too.
Uno always makes me think of Christmas at Grandma Steward's house. The Dick Van Dyke Show reminds me of her too. And Teddy Grahams. And strawberry freezer jam on cinnamon toast.
It'll be interesting to me what things will remind my daughters of their grandparents. I'm guessing bikes will remind them of Papa Russ. Probably pool and ping pong too. Corned beef will remind them of Papa Doug and Grandma Linda. Chickens will remind them of Grandma Linda. Cinnamon rolls before church will be Grandma Carol, along with ravioli.
These memories make me safe. Looking back, I had a very comfortable, safe childhood. I don't remember ever feeling like I was in danger or life was uncertain. Most days would be a lot like the day before and there was a comfort in that. Life doesn't feel as certain now, but I think that has more to do with being an adult and being aware of the world around me. I hope my kids can look back in twenty-some years and feel as safe as I do looking back.
Uno always makes me think of Christmas at Grandma Steward's house. The Dick Van Dyke Show reminds me of her too. And Teddy Grahams. And strawberry freezer jam on cinnamon toast.
It'll be interesting to me what things will remind my daughters of their grandparents. I'm guessing bikes will remind them of Papa Russ. Probably pool and ping pong too. Corned beef will remind them of Papa Doug and Grandma Linda. Chickens will remind them of Grandma Linda. Cinnamon rolls before church will be Grandma Carol, along with ravioli.
These memories make me safe. Looking back, I had a very comfortable, safe childhood. I don't remember ever feeling like I was in danger or life was uncertain. Most days would be a lot like the day before and there was a comfort in that. Life doesn't feel as certain now, but I think that has more to do with being an adult and being aware of the world around me. I hope my kids can look back in twenty-some years and feel as safe as I do looking back.
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