Balance

I read this on FB this morning: " if you didn't feel emotionally drained you wouldn't be doing your job as a wife and mother." I respectfully disagree. If you feel emotionally drained all the time, it doesn't mean you're a good parent. It means your life is out of balance. If one area is off-kilter, it affects everything and not in a good way. As a parent, there will be times you are emotionally drained. But if it's all the time, something needs to change. Part of being a parent is showing your kids what life is about. If you're always stressed out, they'll think life is stressful. I don't know about you, but that's not what I want for me or my kids.

So what's the solution? Mommy time. Parents need time to recharge, whether it's devotions, small group, exercising, coffee dates with friends, prayer time, alone time, MOPS, reading novels, bubble baths, date nights. Kids require a lot of time and energy. As a parent, part of your responsibility is figuring how to take care of you and renew your energy so you can keep being a good parent. You have to know your limits, know when you need to tell your husband you need a break, know when you need to get out and see an old friend. It's all about balance.

For me personally, I've had times when I felt off-balance and I don't think I was as good of a wife and mom then. I'm an achiever, overachiever really, and as such, I always need to have a goal I'm working toward. When I finished my masters degree and wasn't working, I felt stagnant. Then I got pregnant again and started working and it helped. I had goals again. After having Nora, my goal was weight loss (again). I met goal and then my goal was to get certified in Turbo Kick. I did that and now I'm practicing and looking for a place to teach. I have a feeling that will keep me occupied for a while, even once I find a location. :) Steep learning curve and I'm a perfectionist. Yup, busy. But it meets a need of mine and it refreshes and re-energizes me. Another thing that has helped me so much is regular exercise. People think I'm nuts. I have three small children, how do I find the time to work out? Well, nap time. I'm also an introvert and need some quiet alone time to recharge. I think I need nap time more than they do sometimes. But I get some down time and then I also exercise. Heart-pumping cardio done to awesome music? Heck yes! It relieves any stress in my day, clears my head, and gives me this awesome release of endorphins that gives me more energy and puts me in a better mood to deal with the rest of my day. It's me time with so many benefits. Steve is also an introvert, so he understands my need for alone time and he's seen how much my mood improves after a good workout. He's also great about encouraging me to go out with friends on occasion. He knows I come home feeling connected and understood. I try to do the same for him, encouraging the occasional guys' night and giving him time and space in the evening if he needs it. That's part of being a good spouse, in my opinion - seeing your partner's needs and helping them meet them.

We try to do date nights regularly, although those don't happen as often as we'd like. Nora is getting older and is on a more regular sleeping schedule, so we at least have an hour or so that's just us in the evenings. As the girls get older, date nights should be easier too. We also go to a marriage small group every two weeks. That time to connect with other couples and examine our marriage and safe-guard against potential problems has been wonderful. We have more couple friends now. :) And Steve has read some great books that he probably wouldn't have otherwise. (Just being honest. I read more self-improvement books, he reads novels before bed to quiet his thoughts. Our marriage is a priority to him but his reading time is pretty limited.) Along the same lines is MOPS. It's hard getting all four of us ready and out of the house and someplace else by 9:15. But for as stressful as it is getting there, MOPS has been great. It's reassuring to hear the struggles other moms deal with and it's expanded my circle of mom friends. I highly recommend finding a mom group. MOPS does have scholarships available, so don't count it out if cost is an issue. Having support and time with other moms is too important.

If life is draining the life out of it, find something that renews you. Taking a little time for you will make you better in all areas of your life, not subtract from them. It's not selfish to do something that re-energizes you and makes you a better wife and parent. It will enrich all of you. You have important roles. Do something for you to make sure you're at your best for them.