A lot and at the same time, not much, has happened since I last posted. Really, this post is more for me to get all my thoughts out because I feel like I'm most coherent when I'm writing.
Things overall are going well. The girls are healthy and happy, all my licensing paperwork is completed and sent in, there's a possibility of a job once my license is approved (I need to write a cover letter and send that in along with my resume), I'm reading about life coaching as another possible career path, and my fitness is improving daily. But then there's all the rest; the tantrums the girls throw, the fussiness, feeling stuck at home, worrying about money and paying back my loans, worrying about my license being rejected, worrying about daycare if I get the job, feeling weary of all the hoops to jump through for my career, frustration over the scale going back up despite making good choices and exercising.
My parents are moving, sometime next month. I know where they're moving, but can't share that information yet with anyone other than immediate family. So I haven't really told anyone yet. I have mixed feelings about this. Dad is excited for the new challenges and a change of pace so I'm excited for him. They'll be a little bit closer too, which will be very nice. But I'm going to miss visiting Evart. Visiting Mom and Dad will just be visiting Mom and Dad once they move; it won't be visiting home anymore. I'm going to Evart tonight to clean out my old room. I'm not sure what I have there or if we really have room to store it or even if it's anything I want to keep. But it'll be nice to have that finished and lose the feeling of yet another thing hanging over my head. But there are so many other thoughts bouncing around connected to their move. Will I ever visit Evart again? Where will I stay if I do? Has Dad started looking for a new cardiologist yet? Will we feel comfortable and welcome at the new church? Where will Leslie stay the rest of the summer? (That has been resolved, thankfully.) When she gets married, will it be in Evart or the new church? Will the new house be big enough to hold all of us when we all visit at once?
I feel like I'm kind of in an emotional slump. There's not a clear-cut goal that I'm working towards now. Most days I don't leave the house so I don't bother to get dressed. I do change into my workout clothes, but usually change back into my pajamas after my shower. I am still working toward losing a few more pounds, but the scale has not cooperated, despite my best efforts. Career-wise, I can't do much until my license is approved, which will be 6-8 weeks. So the one goal that I actually can work on, I'm not seeing progress.
It's a catch 22. I enjoy my workouts. But I've been doing Turbo Jam for so long that I'm getting used to it and it's getting easier. This is good - my fitness level has improved and my heart rate recovers more quickly than it used to. But that means I burn fewer calories during those workouts now. I've tried wearing weighted gloves during my cardio and increasing my weights during weight training but it doesn't up the calorie burn by much. My shoulders and arms are already more defined, which is nice, but they'd be a lot more defined if I could just manage to lose a few more pounds. I'd prefer to keep doing TJ because I like it, but it's not helping me lose weight as well anymore. I need to figure out some alternatives but it's limited by the fact that I work out during nap time when I'm home alone with the girls. I may try to increase my calories a little bit every few days to snap my body out of its complacency. We'll see.
If you're still reading, sorry this wasn't a terribly interesting post. I just have a lot of mixed up feelings and thoughts right now. And if you'd like to know where Mom and Dad are moving, I'll update on Sunday, after Becky's baby shower and an all-clear to share that news.
1 comment:
Sometimes you just have to "verbal vomit" to get it out of your head, on to a screen/paper to make sense of it all.
You have done so much in your life, Paula - so many accomplishments and feats :) The whole license thing will work it's way out (says she who gets frustrated when people tell her that having a baby will just happen) and you'll do fabulous!
I can sort of understand the feelings that you're expressing about your parents moving - a year ago, my parents were living in seperate states in preperation for a HUGE move. I sobbed, yelled, and felt guilty for doing all of that. We cleaned out our rooms in order to make their house sellable, prepared ourselves (my two sisters and I) to have our parents 6 hours away from us (we were pregnant at the time, too)... and my dad lost his job in Ohio. So, while I don't know what it's like to have your parents actually move, I do know the feelings prior to the move.
We love you (and Steve and the girls) very much and hope that life will ease up on you so that you can relax and enjoy it :) PLEASE keep us updated (I do read your blog every time there's a new post!) and let us know how, if we can, help in anyway. Some day this summer, we'll have to have you guys over and vice versa...just after school/swim camp and my mom's knee replacement are done...so, how does mid-July sound? ;)
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