Remembering

On this date 8 years ago, my uncle went home to heaven. It was very unexpected. Uncle Durwood went out hunting at his brother-in-law's house. They came home and saw his car was still there and thought it was odd. They found him sitting against a tree, holding his gun, gone. It was a heart attack. Heart problems run on that side of the family, but he had had a physical a few weeks earlier and was given a clean bill of health. Christmas always makes me think of him, partly because it was this time of year that he left us and partly because of all the good Christmas memories I have of him.

Uncle Durwood was gentle and soft-spoken. He was friendly and loved kids. We have many pictures of me or my siblings (the youngest cousins) sitting on his lap. He has four grandkids that didn't get to have him long enough. He would have been so proud of them. When we all get together now, there's an abundance of little kids - 8 kids 6 and under. He would have loved that. I wish my kids could have known him. I wish Steve could have known him too. They would have gotten along so well.

Thinking of when Uncle Durwood passed makes me think of Grandma Steward. She's with him now, but I remember her crying when we got the news. He was her only son and her oldest child.

I've been pretty somber for the past few weeks, thinking about Uncle Fred and Aunt Rita. What I didn't expect is how many memories it would dredge up, of Grandpa and Grandma Atherton, when he died and Grandma couldn't stay at their home alone anymore, of Grandma Steward and when she died, of when she couldn't safely live alone at her home anymore, of this past summer when we went through her house the last time before we sold it and they tore it down. There have been so many strong emotions swirling through me. Thankfulness for the time I had with each of them, nostalgia and longing for things of the past, relief that Grandma Steward wasn't around to see her home torn down, a strong urge to go to the places that remind me of each of them, wishing I had more things to remind me of them, thankfulness that my kids have known Grandma Steward, Fred, and Rita, and sadness that the girls didn't get to know my other grandparents, Steve's other grandparents, and Uncle Durwood.

If my feelings are this strong, I can only imagine what Aunt Rita must be feeling. Please pray for her - for peace, for safety, for comfort. I realize that part of aging is outliving loved ones and returning to a state where you increasingly need others to help you and care for you, but it can't be easy. I realize I've blogged multiple times in a few weeks after not posting for months. Writing helps me. I can get my thoughts out and organizing them into coherent sentences helps me process them. I'll be writing a Christmas letter and I know I'll have happier things to post soon. But thank you for your understanding while I deal with this loss and the memories it's brought up.