Intentional love

First off, I'M DONE!!! I completed the last few hours of my 600 hour internship today. I feel light and carefree. We may be going out to dinner to celebrate.

There's something that's been on my mind recently. In college there was a couple that I kind of knew, more like friends of friends, and they seemed so perfectly matched. I am friends with both halves of the couple on Facebook and lately I've noticed distance between them. There's physical distance (I think due to job availability they ended up living in different states part-time) but I began noticing how in pictures, they were each with other friends rather than together. It made me wonder but I don't feel I know either of them well enough to ask something like that. A week or two ago I noticed the husband had changed his relationship status to "it's complicated" while the wife's was still "married." Then today I read a note she had written about searching for apartments and feeling wronged. While my suspicions have not been confirmed, it appears their marriage is imploding.

Like I said, I don't know this couple well. In fact, I know them mainly by appearance and appearances can be deceiving. But I have to admit I am saddened by it. I don't like the idea that marriages can fall apart after only a few years and that people so young can be divorced. I especially don't like the idea that a couple that seemed like such a perfect fit can let things fall apart.

This has been a reminder to me that even things that seem perfect aren't and that marriage is work and you can't take it for granted. While I don't think I've given Steve any reason to doubt that I love him, I know I haven't been as intentional in showing him that I do lately. I know I could use the excuse that things have been stressful and busy, but that's life. There will always be other things that get in the way if you let them. Marriage takes effort, conscious effort, to thrive and grow. And since I want my marriage to last forever, I'm letting this sad news serve as a reminder and cautionary tale. I also want to have lots of 50th anniversary parties to attend 45 to 50 years from now, so I wanted to share it with all of you too.

So give your spouse a hug and a kiss, just because. Tell him you love him at a time other than bedtime or when you're saying goodbye. Apologize when you're wrong and sometimes even when you're not (it's amazing how much more likely the other person is to apologize if you apologize for your part in it first). Be kind even when you don't feel like it. If you're crabby and feel like saying something mean, take a time out. Be gracious and do something for your spouse that you don't normally do (like take out the garbage if that's something he usually does or fold the laundry for her). Show your love and be intentional about it, without the motivation of getting something in return.

I hope you have a good life. If life is not easy, I hope you learn from it and grow closer through the hard times. Take care of each other. And I'll see you at your anniversary party in 50 years...