Yesterday I talked to all three of my siblings on the phone. It's unusual that I talk to all of them in the same day unless we're all together. Tracy and I nailed down more zoo details and she updated me on Chloe and Haylie (Chloe doesn't like bedtime and Haylie is doing well). Reid was on his way to Somerset Beach for conference, so he wouldn't be home for a visit (I had books to return to SAU and thought we'd make it a family trip and stop to see Wuncle Weid). Leslie was busy most of the day though and called me back late in the evening. The conversation started with recaps of our day and continued from there.
We talked for a long time about odd behavior that we don't understand and the way it affects people we care about. From there we talked about disappointment with people who claim to be Christians and continued on to talking about church. I talked about how I feel a little jaded toward church people in general and how I often feel they put up the Sunday facade and go on with their usual lifestyle - partying, gossiping, doing what they want - the rest of the week. We talked about how that leaves a bad taste in people's mouths and they don't want anything to do with the church and Christians after seeing all the hypocritical behavior. I'm not saying someone should be a perfect Christian to go to church. But if someone claims to be a Christian, shouldn't they at least be trying to live as one? Steve and I have had a difficult time finding a church where we feel like we fit and really want to be. More and more I'm understanding the appeal of non-traditional churches, where people can go in their jeans and hoodies, where no one judges you for your past mistakes, where the worship is genuine and not about appearances. I want to find a place where people are honest about their flaws and struggles and not smoothing over them because it's Sunday. I need to want to go to church again. The funny thing is that I want to want to go to church. But what comes first? The discipline to go or the desire to go?
Obviously the conversation was a deep, soul-baring one that really got me thinking about things. These are thoughts that have been simmering for a while. Steve and I talk about these things, but are easily distracted by the girls and rarely finish the discussion. Talking to Leslie so late into the night (not even midnight, lol) was kind of renewing. For a while now I've felt kind of weighted down and frustrated but couldn't quite put my thoughts into words. Things feel clearer now. Thank you, Leslie.
The whole conversation reminded me of so many late night chats in college. Steve and I have long conversations every now and then, but it was nice to have a fresh voice. And it made me nostalgic for college. :)
2 comments:
I really enjoyed our conversation as well :) It was refreshing to talk about such meaningful things with you. I love you!
Leslie
(I'm posting this with Paul's gmail account since I don't have one and it won't let me post without it...:)
Hmm. Good questions. I don't see any easy answers to the question of hypocrisy in individual Christians. One of the analogies that appeals to me is that the holy, life-changing transformation process ("sanctification" for short) is like an infection or an infestation. Sure, it starts out on the surface, but with feeding and care, it spreads out all over. The only way to halt its progress is to 1) starve it (stop learning, stop participating, start thinking that "you've made it") or 2) hermetically seal off your favorite corner of your soul, the "touch everything else but hands-off here, God" approach. The hypocrites prefer to do the impossible, somehow split authority with God, rather than let their sin go. "Take up your cross and follow" and such.
I'm skeptical that church style makes that much of a difference. Hypocrisy comes in all colors and flavors. But if someone connects better with God in non-traditional ways, and they aren't falling into heresy, that's great. (As for dress code, who cares, as long as people aren't distracted?)
Public confessions to strangers as proof of genuineness...I'm unsure what I feel there. Some things are better left for more limited groups that have earned the accompanying trust of the confessor. Confession and accountability are good, essential really, in the proper context, though.
Whether worship is true or just "appearances" is hard to evaluate...by appearance. Is it better worship if someone is raising their arms? What about the one arm vs. two question? Is there a line at which enthusiastic displays start to become less about the object, God, than about what I, the worshiper, am doing?
On desire vs. discipline, my opinion is "both/and", "either/or". The tension between the two is normal. Desire motivates the adoption of new and better discipline and the discipline then acts as the spine for a desire that naturally wobbles because of circumstances. Love out of obedience; obey out of love.
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