Bitterness

I'm not a bitter person. I'm generally optimistic and can find the humor in a situation. I was thinking about it though and thought, "Well, nothing has ever happened to me that I would be bitter about." I had a good, safe childhood. We didn't have the best of everything but we had what we needed and were happy. My parents are loving, supportive, and not overly critical or harsh. My parents are still married. I've never been badly hurt, never needed surgery, or had any real health scares (just weird things, live unexplained allergies suddenly develop, sprained the top of my foot, broke my knuckle, etc.). I've never been in an abusive relationship. I've never had anyone take advantage of me. Few things have been stolen from me and nothing of real value. I've been engaged once and the engagement ended up with a wedding. I've been married once, still am, and we're happy. I've been pregnant three times, carried three pregnancies to term, and have three healthy, beautiful daughters (you know, except for those hives). We have a house without any huge, immediate issues (it could use some cosmetic touch-ups) and two cars that run reliably. Steve has a job and I have a job available if I want it (that's HUGE in this economy!) and we have good health insurance. I was blessed enough to go to college and even more blessed to go back for my masters degree. I have had a good life. The worst things that have happened to me didn't even happen directly to ME: Dad's heart attack, Tracy's miscarriage, Leslie's scoliosis and back surgery, etc.

Then I had another thought: Is it that I have nothing to be bitter about or that I've chosen not to be bitter? I have had bad things happen, things that weren't fair. Money was stolen from my room at Spring Arbor and another time from my car at the country club where I worked. A car shop did shoddy work on our car and when it all fell apart again, they were out of business and we were out of luck. I was bullied in junior high, to the point that I went home sick a lot to avoid those girls. I was never very popular and never made Homecoming court, let alone queen. The guy I dated for a year and a half in high school dumped me the same weekend I got my wisdom teeth pulled, because he liked a freshman. My first car was a horrible car that burned oil, stalled, and I was afraid to drive because I thought it would break down. I've always struggled with poor body image. I didn't get to wear honor cords because calculus dragged my GPA down, when the girls who dropped it for health did. I've had to work hard to lose every last pound of baby weight. The kids misbehave and my husband isn't perfect. Maybe if I focused on those things, I would be bitter.

But WHY?

Bitterness steals the joy in life. It makes you hard and cold and seem older than you are. And while I do have the occasional pity party, bitterness just isn't fun. What does it accomplish? Whining and crying about the past doesn't make me feel better and it doesn't change what happened. What DOES help is to deal with it and move on. It's so much better to focus on what's good and find the humor in the bad. The sort of people you surround yourself with can make a huge difference. If you're constantly around negative people, your focus becomes negative. You complain more. You become sarcastic. But have you ever had something bad happen when you were with a positive person? They might laugh because it's just absurd and suddenly the whole thing doesn't seem as bad. It feels more like an adventure or a good story in the making rather than a disaster. Attitude changes everything. And attitude can be changed by what you habitually focus on. The more you focus on the positive, the easier and more natural it becomes to have a positive outlook. Same thing with negativity. Change your outlook and it changes your life.

So how are you CHOOSING to see your world today?