Steve and I have come to the conclusion that we are officially parents now. Up until this past week, we were coasting and it was pretty easy most of the time. Seriously, taking care of two kids with the stomach flu while I had the stomach flu (twice in a month's time even) was easier than this past week has been.
Like I said in my last post, Ella has been increasingly defiant lately. It got to the point where she refused to pick up anything ever. It all came to a head on Tuesday (I think - all my days are blurring together into one big time out). She got out a plastic crib sheet and refused to put it away. I told her she was not leaving her room until she put it away. She still refused. And the standoff began. I took Mia downstairs and went back up to change Ella's diaper. Still refused to put the sheet away. I checked on her every so often to see if she'd changed her mind. Nope. The kid is stubborn. Isaac and Julia came over for a few hours and even tempting her with playing with them didn't work. I brought her a cereal bar. Isaac and Julia tried one last time to convince her to put it away before they left. I did bring her downstairs for lunch. She ate and immediately went back upstairs. Still she refused. Finally I took Mia up for nap time and changed Ella's diaper again. I reminded her that she needed to be quiet so Mia could take a nap and that she needed to put the sheet away if she wanted to come downstairs at the end of nap time. Once I checked on them and she not only still had the sheet out but had pulled all the blankets and toys off her bed. :( So I told her she also needed to put those away to come downstairs. Later during nap time Mia started crying. I went to check on her and had to give her back her blankets which she'd thrown on the floor. Then I noticed something. The plastic sheet was back where I had asked Ella to put it!!! I was so excited I hugged her and started dancing around her room. It made her start giggling. Since nap time wasn't over yet, I told her that it was still nap time and her blankets needed to be on her bed at the end but I was so proud of her for putting the sheet away! Since she'd finally obeyed me, I stashed the plastic sheets in the closet, never to cause a problem again. And so the great blanket standoff ended, a mere 7.5 hours after it began.
There were a few hiccups that evening. At the end of nap time she initially refused to put her blankets, pillow, and toys back on her bed. But it only took about 15 minutes alone in her room to decide it was best to put them away, so I consider that a victory. But later in the evening we had issues when she flat out refused to put away the books downstairs. Sigh.
Since that standoff, we've had no more issues with putting things away upstairs. However, Ella hasn't made the connection that she also needs to put things away downstairs. Or at church in the nursery. Or probably anywhere else. As a result we've had lots of time outs when it's time to put anything away. She went upstairs early for a nap yesterday because she refused to help pick up. Mia got to stay up longer and watch Curious George. I repeatedly explained to Ella that Mia got to stay up and watch Curious George because she picked up toys when I asked her to. I'm not sure it's getting through to her.
Today it was shoes. I made it clear to Ella that she needed to put them all back when she was done playing with them. No dice. So she went into time out. Mia helped me pick up the shoes and I left two for Ella to put away. Ella kept refusing so she went to the time out corner. Unfortunately, while she was in time out, Mia put those shoes away. So what do I do now? I tried to make it clear to Ella that I was disappointed that she didn't do what I asked and that she's very lucky to have Mia for a sister. Then the battle became Ella telling Mia thank you. I figure that Ella got out of putting the shoes away and the least she could do is tell Mia thank you. So she stayed in time out for two hours, in increments of two minutes. Every time the timer went off I asked if she was ready to tell Mia thank you. She would say no and I'd restart the timer. Finally I decided it was time for lunch and explained to her that if she wouldn't say thank you to Mia then immediately after lunch, she was going upstairs. Family time is a privilege earned by being part of this family, meaning she has to help pick up the messes she makes. So Ella has already been upstairs for an hour. Mia stayed down here with me and got to watch Curious George. She helped me pick up shoes when I asked her to. It's almost nap time and Mia will go upstairs.
I feel worst for Mia. She hates to see Ella get in trouble, which is why she keeps cleaning up after her. And she doesn't like being downstairs if Ella isn't down here too. So her "reward" is more like punishment I'm afraid. Poor kid adores her sister.
I'm hoping today's time outs help Ella learn that she needs to pick up things downstairs too. I don't like this defiant child she's becoming. Every day feels like a long battle of wills, one that I am just barely winning. My best trait in this is my own stubbornness and refusal to give in and let my two year old daughter win.
It's becoming a bit of a bedtime issue too. She doesn't want to do anything we ask. We started a small group last night that ran until 8:30, so it was around 9 when we got home. Normally the girls go to bed between 8 and 8:30. Ella had refused to put a toy away at the nursery but we let that go. Then we got home and she fought having her diaper and clothes changed. Then she refused to go upstairs. What began as a simple "no" became an all-out screaming tantrum. We mostly ignored it and Steve waited for her to come to the bottom of the stairs while I helped Mia brush her teeth. It was horrible. I have never seen Ella so worked up and she was letting out bloodcurdling screams. We read that we should not punish for tantrums - tantrums are the way that toddlers deal with their big emotions until they learn better ways to handle them. But once Ella finally flopped to the bottom of the stairs, Steve let her know in no uncertain terms that it's okay to be upset but screaming like that is NOT allowed. She cried through brushing her teeth and once in bed refused to say good night or I love you. Even worse, she even refused to kiss or hug us. Sigh. This is not fun but I'm trusting right now that she'll learn and things will get better.
On a happier note, I took a break from writing this post to take Mia upstairs for her nap. I figured I'd have to let this morning go and not push Ella to say thank you to Mia, but at the same time I wasn't sure that was the best thing either. Once in their room, Mia immediately ran to Ella's bed to hug her. I asked Ella if she could say thank you to Mia and she kinda smiled and said "thank you 'Mewia." I told her how proud I was that she said it and hugged and kissed her. Just when I think there's not going to be any improvement, she surprises me. Thank God for that, because this is what keeps me hopeful and trusting that we're doing the right thing and she's learning, even if it's more slowly and painfully than I'd like.
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