SPD

Since a large part of my whining late in pregnancy is due to SPD, I thought I should explain what it is. Symphysis Pubis Dysfunction (SPD) is basically severe pelvic pain, specifically in the groin area. The two bones of the pelvis are held together by ligaments. Normally these ligaments are strong and don't allow much movement by the separate parts of the pelvis. But when a woman is pregnant, her body produces relaxin, a hormone that relaxes joints, ligaments, muscles, and mucus membranes. This allows the body to expand to accommodate a growing baby and the pelvis to separate during the actual birthing process. Some women produce an excess amount of relaxin and their pelvises move apart earlier in pregnancy, putting a lot of strain on the symphysis pubis (the main ligament holding the pelvis together). All when a woman needs extra stability and is carrying a lot of extra weight in that exact region. So basically, unless I move carefully, half my pelvis moves independent of the other half. It's painful and kinda feels like I've been kicked in the groin.

This happens each pregnancy. With Ella it was maybe the last month or six weeks. With Mia it happened earlier, lasting two to two and a half months. This time I've had twinges of it for maybe six weeks but it's gotten much worse in the past two weeks. I still have 10 weeks until my due date. I can't take the stairs two at a time anymore. I have to be careful getting up, especially out of bed or up off the floor, to keep my thighs parallel and close together. I now sleep with a pillow between my knees and have to roll over carefully (interrupting my sleep a bit more). I can't cross my legs or sit Indian-style. Even walking or standing too much makes it hurt. There are times that if I move wrong trying to avoid SPD pain, I twist wrong, producing round ligament pain or irritating my sciatic nerve. Sigh.

I know in the grand scheme of things that this is pretty minor. Once I recover from childbirth, the SPD goes away. It's not life-threatening or dangerous, to me or my baby. And it doesn't seem to have any adverse effects on the labor and delivery for me. It's just painful and really freaking annoying. But as this continues and worsens and my squished insides induce more acid reflux and I get less sleep and more cranky, I wanted anyone reading this to have a bit more understanding why I get so whiny or just stop posting for a while. Again, I know I'm fortunate that this is a minor problem. I know I am incredibly fortunate to be a rare parent that has not experienced difficulty getting pregnant or the pain of losing a child (in utero or after birth). So I try to keep it all in perspective and keep my whining to a minimum. However, I am very thankful that I only have another 9-10 weeks of this pain. :) Thank you God that baby and I are both healthy and help me to focus on that blessing rather than the discomforts.

Sleep (or lack of it) and home improvement projects

I am officially in my third trimester. Tomorrow marks 29 weeks. I have 71 days until my induction. Nora has been moving more and more, which is kinda fun. She keeps getting the hiccups, which was fun until the fourth time in several days. I am still not sleeping well and am looking forward to not being pregnant anymore so I can finally get comfortable enough to sleep. Sleep will be more interrupted, but hopefully more restful when I actually do sleep. It's getting harder to reach my shoes too and Steve tied my shoes for me a few times this weekend. I was looking through pictures yesterday and realized I am definitely bigger earlier this time. I'm hoping it means I'll level off and not get bigger than I did at the end. Time will tell.

The girls are finally back to napping well. For about a week, they just didn't nap. And since I wasn't sleeping well, it was just bad. We discovered Amelia can climb out of the crib. And the pack'n'play. I don't have a clue how she does it, especially since she's prone to tripping over nothing walking across the living room. But we also discovered that the threat of taking away their stuffed animals or moving Mia to a different room works wonders. We've had to actually move Mia once (when she climbed out of the pnp). Since I couldn't keep her in the pnp, I moved her back to her bed within minutes. Apparently that was long enough to scare them both into quieting down and napping. We've had to take toys away more than once, but more often just the threat of it is working. Thank God. I hate punishing them, but it is infinitely worse when it doesn't seem to have any effect. At least if it works, I know I won't need to do it as often.

We've been decorating more around the house since Steve built the new bookcase. He put up his floating shelves (they're hidden, so the books look like they're just floating). We also picked out some pictures to put up on the wall in the living room and then realized half of them don't have a hook so we can hang them on the wall. So we ended up putting up a wooden shelf for three of the pictures and hanging the fourth on the wall. It amazes me how much more homey and finished the room feels with those simple additions. It only took us two and a half years. :)

Recent observations

One night Mia looked at Steve and said, "pretty?" He said that she was very pretty and told Ella she was pretty too. And told me I'm pretty. I was struck how Mia isn't even two yet and already wants to hear from her daddy, currently the most important man in her life, that she is pretty. I realized too the responsibility we have to our daughters to help them feel beautiful, not just outwardly but inwardly as well.

Steve is currently sitting at his computer with both girls. The girls have been playing dress up. Tonight they didn't try to talk him into wearing a wig or jewelry. I'm not sure they've tried that yet, but he's worn goofy hats and scarves and had tea parties. This made me realize two things: this man is secure in his manhood and he absolutely adores his little girls. It's just part of what makes him a great dad and husband, especially to impressionable little girls who crave their daddy's love and attention, which he gives abundantly. I'm blessed. :)

The sweetest girls

I was a bit upset yesterday. It just kind of a rough day. Nothing really went wrong but I was just tired and frustrated and the pregnancy hormones shoved me over the edge. I cried. As soon as Ella noticed, she asked why I was crying. I told her I didn't know but I couldn't stop. Somehow she decided it was because my foot hurt. In her innocent little mind, a kiss fixes everything, so she kissed my foot. I calmed down for a while after that, so I guess she thought it worked.

Steve called on his break and I broke down again. At that point, Mia noticed and stood in front of me, just staring at me and looked so concerned. She let me hold her for a while, which always helps. Ella came over and let me hug her too. Since kissing my foot had worked earlier, she bent down and kissed my foot again. And then Mia did it too. Every so often, if I was still crying quietly, they'd walk over and kiss my foot. It didn't help me stop crying (and it annoys me when I start crying and just can't seem to stop) but it warmed my heart. They are so sweet and caring.

We'll ignore that later they were difficult during nap time and were getting into everything in their bedroom. They are very sweet but they are still very curious toddlers.

My day got worse during nap time but did improve later. My sister came over to babysit and talking to her helps. (I have the best sisters in the world.) Then I took a shower, which helps me feel better physically. Then Steve and I left for small group. It was nice to have adult time that didn't require me to be a counselor. After we got home, we cuddled and talked some and he watched my stomach dance. I slept a bit better last night and Steve got to sleep in, so we're both feeling more patient today. Tonight I have a girls' night with some women from church and Steve is having Mike over after the girls go to bed. Tomorrow we plan on going to church and then just spending time together. We need some time together, just us. Rough days always pass, even if they feel never-ending at the time. And I am so thankful for friends and family who care and help me through them. :) Thank you for all the kind words. Yesterday was definitely when I needed them. And it's nice to have a better idea who reads the blog. Happy to have you! :)

Defensive

I realize my last post got a bit defensive. To the point that Steve asked me if someone had said something to me. Other than the passing comment, no one has really said anything. I tried to explain to him that I feel like people will make comments and maybe if I get defensive first, they'll think twice and not make the offensive comment. He didn't understand.

Maybe it's just me, but I'm inclined to think it's something all mothers feel at some point, if they care at all what other people think of them. And I admit I care more than I should what other people think of me. As I tried to explain to Steve, it's harder to shrug off comments when your pregnant and hormonal. And comments about parenting decisions or motherhood just seem to hit deep.

I know everyone gets comments. I feel like being a young mom and having kids so close together makes me a walking target. Just last night, someone noticed I was pregnant and asked if I had other kids. I said yes and listed their ages. She laughed and said I must have hit my head. Gee, thanks. I also get comments about how frequently we must have sex. Actually, we're just really fertile. If getting pregnant were a problem or we have actually tried to get pregnant, I think there would have been a lot more sex. And why is anyone speculating on the amount of sex I have with my husband? I also get annoyed with the joke that we haven't figured out what causes a pregnancy. Yes, I somehow managed to get THREE degrees and didn't figure out how a woman gets pregnant. We're not crazy, just crazy fertile. And there's no way that we'd want to not have a child we conceived. We've been increasingly careful but keep getting pregnant. I realize that's an enviable problem to have, but it is becoming a problem unless we want to be the next Duggar family.

I do realize if we'd waited to have kids, people would have made comments then, asking when we were planning on having kids. Or if we'd actually managed to space out our kids, they'd be asking when we're having the next one. That would be annoying too. But why do people seem to think it's acceptable to comment on a couple's choice of when to have kids or how many or think that you're not done until you have one of each sex or think you should be done if you do have one of each sex? There are all the comments on a pregnant woman's body too. Odds are she doesn't want to hear the comment unless you say she looks fabulous or she's glowing. Carrying low, high, big, small or any other way is not a compliment. Saying she looks tired or swollen or miserable is an insult, especially if it's followed up by a comment saying that you hope she goes late (I actually got this my first pregnancy - multiple times). And the twin comments! I know I carry big and show early. Twins do happen to run in my family, but no, I am not having twins. Thanks for telling me I look like a blimp. The offenders are not only men and not even only women who haven't had kids. I just don't understand.

Basically I'm just tired and frustrated. I've spent a lot of time being pregnant, which for me translates into feeling huge and swollen and hypersensitive. I get lots of comments and I'm more irritable than normal. I kind of want to hide out until this baby comes, to avoid the comments and biting anyone's head off. I have three months left and my face is getting puffy and my shirts are getting too tight and short. Since we're having another girl, I feel like I have to argue with people that yes, we're done and we have a right to be done. I know we're young and could have more kids. But we're done. I am so tired of expanding. Pregnancy is nine months of aches and pains followed by labor and then recovery, sleeplessness, and much-needed weight loss. I've done it three times in as many years. I don't want to do it again and don't want to try to afford it either.

Frustrating me further is the fact that with each pregnancy, I have more things I need to do and get less sympathy from Steve. I actually asked him this morning if he was excited about this baby. He assured me he is but that it's just not new. He just seems less interested in what's going on this time. I know none of this is new - it's not for me either. But I feel like he's more involved and I feel less alone if he talks to her or feels her kick or watches her move (last night my stomach was dancing). It doesn't help that my self-esteem takes a hit every pregnancy either. I feel like a big blob and like my brain has taken a vacation. I feel old and creaky.

Does anyone other than Steve read this? Do other moms feel like they have to defend their choices too? It's been a rough week and I'd like to hear that I'm not as alone as I feel.

26 weeks and counting

Yesterday marked my 26th week of this pregnancy. So I have 14 weeks until my due date. Since the doctor plans on inducing me at 39 weeks at the latest (April 6, my late grandpa's birthday, I hope it happens that day!), that's 13 weeks to go. So 13 weeks minus 1 day and that means I have 90 days left in this pregnancy. Hopefully my last one ever. I suppose some women would be sad about that. I'm not. But then I've spent 24.5 months pregnant. We've only been married 49 months. Yeah, I've been pregnant for half of our marriage. I am so ready to be done with pregnancy.

Don't get me wrong; I want Nora to stay in there for about 3 more months. I want her to be full-term and healthy when she's born. But once she's here, I'm done with pregnancy. Before anyone says anything about us being too young to do anything permanent, realize that birth control has not worked for us. The hormones in the pill (and the patch) make me nuts. I'm like a surly teenager again. I think Mirena would do the same. A copper IUD is also out of the question, since the idea of a foreign object in my body freaks me out and I have a nickel allergy. We've tried condoms. Mia took two nights of not using one. This pregnancy we were even more careful and used condoms every time the month I got pregnant. And none of them broke. Given our record, if we put off doing something permanent, I will get pregnant again. I would almost bet it would be twin girls if we did. As for the argument about trying again for a boy, we've never exactly tried to get pregnant. And we could have ten more kids with no guarantee we'd ever have a boy. Steve loves his little girls and they do "boy" stuff, like playing outside, shooting hoops, playing with cars and trains, and building things. We're good and in agreement that we're done once Nora is here.

Happy New Year!

It's 2010! Our New Year's Eve was simple and low-key, like us. We went to Uncle Fred and Aunt Rita's house to ring in 2010 with card games, food, lots of family, and fireworks. It's nice to go somewhere and bring the kids. They had a great time playing with some of the other little kids and did really well considering they stayed up about 4 hours past their usual bedtime. Ella liked the fireworks. Mia wasn't so impressed but she was pretty tired by then. Steve and I played Apples to Apples with some of the cousins. Pretty quiet evening. Well, not quiet. But anything with that many Scotts in that small of a space isn't going to be quiet. :) Low-key though.

I was talking to Steve last night about how I think he's the ideal husband. Not perfect, but I know that the girls and I are his top priority. He likes video games and new computer parts and electronics, but those are a hobby, not an escape or something he spends a lot of money on. Being financially comfortable is important to us, but top of the line everything or the latest gadgets aren't. Last night I had an important realization though. Steve is the ideal partner for ME. I'm low-key too and we have the same priorities. If haute couture and expensive shoes were important to me, I wouldn't be anywhere near as happy with him. Same thing if my career came before my family. Or having the biggest, nicest house or the newest car. We do have nice things and my career is important, but we agree that our family comes first. And because of that, we're content with hand-me-downs, mismatched furniture, and vacations spent visiting family. We figure the time will come when we have the means for nicer things. We do well with what we have and are very content. I honestly had some trouble coming up with a list of things I wanted for Christmas. There will always be something bigger and nicer than what we have - that just seems to be the nature of things. But we've been blessed in the best ways possible - with family, friends, health. Materially we're blessed too. Our needs are met and most of our wants.

To be perfectly honest, our house is overly full. We still have a lot of baby stuff. I have boxes of maternity clothes (in multiple sizes) and larger sizes that I would love to get rid of. People have been very generous with us. Out of two cribs and two toddler beds, we only bought one. Since we've decided we are done with three kids, once we get the all clear (meaning word that Steve's surgery did in fact work), we're going to start giving some of this stuff away. As Nora no longer needs it and I shrink out of clothes again (yay!), we'll pass it along. Since people have been so generous, we feel it's only right to pass these things along to other people who need them. Although I tend to save things in case we need them later, I am so excited about the prospect of cleaning out closets and part of the attic! If we're done having kids, we won't need this stuff anymore. (This is assuming Steve's surgery sticks better than Doug's. But even if it doesn't, we've got a good nine years before anymore kids.) And I am so ready to have things more organized and have a bit more space to work with. So is Steve. We have so many boxes of clothes it's ridiculous! Both mine and the girls. Some of the things we actually spent money on we may try to sell, but I think most of it will be given away. The idea of more space is so nice, but it's definitely even better coupled with the idea that we'll be blessing someone else too.

I guess I've been all over the place with this post. So why not go more places with it? My goals for this year are the following:
- After Nora comes, get back in shape and back down to my goal weight/size by Christmas.
- Potty train Ella and maybe Mia too, if we think she's ready.
- Clean out some of our closets!
- Pay off some of our debts and pay down other ones.
- Continue to make time for date nights and family time. This is the important stuff.
- Take and pass the NCE (National Counseling Exam).