Defensive

I realize my last post got a bit defensive. To the point that Steve asked me if someone had said something to me. Other than the passing comment, no one has really said anything. I tried to explain to him that I feel like people will make comments and maybe if I get defensive first, they'll think twice and not make the offensive comment. He didn't understand.

Maybe it's just me, but I'm inclined to think it's something all mothers feel at some point, if they care at all what other people think of them. And I admit I care more than I should what other people think of me. As I tried to explain to Steve, it's harder to shrug off comments when your pregnant and hormonal. And comments about parenting decisions or motherhood just seem to hit deep.

I know everyone gets comments. I feel like being a young mom and having kids so close together makes me a walking target. Just last night, someone noticed I was pregnant and asked if I had other kids. I said yes and listed their ages. She laughed and said I must have hit my head. Gee, thanks. I also get comments about how frequently we must have sex. Actually, we're just really fertile. If getting pregnant were a problem or we have actually tried to get pregnant, I think there would have been a lot more sex. And why is anyone speculating on the amount of sex I have with my husband? I also get annoyed with the joke that we haven't figured out what causes a pregnancy. Yes, I somehow managed to get THREE degrees and didn't figure out how a woman gets pregnant. We're not crazy, just crazy fertile. And there's no way that we'd want to not have a child we conceived. We've been increasingly careful but keep getting pregnant. I realize that's an enviable problem to have, but it is becoming a problem unless we want to be the next Duggar family.

I do realize if we'd waited to have kids, people would have made comments then, asking when we were planning on having kids. Or if we'd actually managed to space out our kids, they'd be asking when we're having the next one. That would be annoying too. But why do people seem to think it's acceptable to comment on a couple's choice of when to have kids or how many or think that you're not done until you have one of each sex or think you should be done if you do have one of each sex? There are all the comments on a pregnant woman's body too. Odds are she doesn't want to hear the comment unless you say she looks fabulous or she's glowing. Carrying low, high, big, small or any other way is not a compliment. Saying she looks tired or swollen or miserable is an insult, especially if it's followed up by a comment saying that you hope she goes late (I actually got this my first pregnancy - multiple times). And the twin comments! I know I carry big and show early. Twins do happen to run in my family, but no, I am not having twins. Thanks for telling me I look like a blimp. The offenders are not only men and not even only women who haven't had kids. I just don't understand.

Basically I'm just tired and frustrated. I've spent a lot of time being pregnant, which for me translates into feeling huge and swollen and hypersensitive. I get lots of comments and I'm more irritable than normal. I kind of want to hide out until this baby comes, to avoid the comments and biting anyone's head off. I have three months left and my face is getting puffy and my shirts are getting too tight and short. Since we're having another girl, I feel like I have to argue with people that yes, we're done and we have a right to be done. I know we're young and could have more kids. But we're done. I am so tired of expanding. Pregnancy is nine months of aches and pains followed by labor and then recovery, sleeplessness, and much-needed weight loss. I've done it three times in as many years. I don't want to do it again and don't want to try to afford it either.

Frustrating me further is the fact that with each pregnancy, I have more things I need to do and get less sympathy from Steve. I actually asked him this morning if he was excited about this baby. He assured me he is but that it's just not new. He just seems less interested in what's going on this time. I know none of this is new - it's not for me either. But I feel like he's more involved and I feel less alone if he talks to her or feels her kick or watches her move (last night my stomach was dancing). It doesn't help that my self-esteem takes a hit every pregnancy either. I feel like a big blob and like my brain has taken a vacation. I feel old and creaky.

Does anyone other than Steve read this? Do other moms feel like they have to defend their choices too? It's been a rough week and I'd like to hear that I'm not as alone as I feel.